10,000 B.C.

Cast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis

Director: Roland Emmerich

Don't go into the cinema to watch 10,000 BC if you're expecting an authentic look at the prehistoric era, because there's virtually nothing authentic about this film.

For heaven's sake don't take your impressionable young children to this film or they'll end up muddling their history so irreparably, it'll take a lifetime to put them back on the right track.

The fact that 10,000 BC has been directed by effects-heavy script-light disaster-movie veteran Roland Emmerich should tell you all you need to know about this film - it's got a preposterous plot much like the director's previous films Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla; it compromises narrative for heavy-duty special effects; and enough stupid people will probably like this movie for it to be a box-office hit.

A hunter named D'Leh leads a group of comrades to the end of the world to bring back his childhood sweetheart who's been kidnapped by a tribe of mysterious horsemen. This group must encounter all kinds of strange beasts including saber-toothed tigers and predatory birds as they make their journey across snow-swept mountains, tropical forests and endless deserts.

There's also lots of mumbo jumbo about an aged female spiritual leader who pops into the frame every few minutes to make startling prophecies that ring dangerously true.

Painfully long and unbearably tedious, 10,000 BC is easily the worst film I've seen recently because it has absolutely no story to speak of and yet it takes itself so seriously, you'd think they were setting out to make an epic.

The special effects aren't particularly great either - that mammoth-chase scene is shoddy, and the one in the forest with those strange ostrich-like birds pecking on our heroes is laughable to say the least.

At best some of that sweeping cinematography is breathtaking, but that aside, this is one complete failure of a film. Let's not even bring up the fact that D'Leh's tribe seems to speak fluent English strangely enough, and woolly mammoths seem to have made themselves perfectly at home in those sandy, sunny deserts working at pyramid construction sites.

Like I said earlier, it's a film where quite literally, anything happens. Unlike Independence Day or The Day After Tomorrow which also required the suspension of disbelief, this one is just plain boring. Nothing exciting happens, you're never taken by surprise.

Then that's zero out of five and two thumbs down for Roland Emmerich's 10,000 BC, believe me your time would be better spent if you stared at the sunset instead. Avoid this one at all costs.