Dear Husband, will you leave your job for me?

A recent TeamLease survey of 425 ‘Two Career’ couples across five cities – Delhi, Mumbai, Hyderabad, Pune and Bangalore – revealed that balancing work and family life is not any easier today than it was say 20 years back. While 87 per cent of the couples polled agreed to their work-life balance being “just fine”, others felt that working wives could mean more disagreements and more cases of divorce. In our earlier story, Modern marriage survey: Is everybody really fine, we quoted the abovementioned TeamLease survey. Two points seem to resonate greatly with the readers: (1) 54 per cent of the couples polled said they will not give up their career plans for their spouse and (2) 77 per cent men agreed to be actively involved in responsibilities, including child reading.

The following is a response emailed by ibnlive.com reader, Priyanka Khandelwal: Her response to the truth behind husband’s helping at home… And whether they really do. Thankyou Priyanka! As contributed by Priyanka Khandelwal “77 per cent of the men polled say they are more actively involved in sharing responsibilities including child-rearing.” And that is what you get when you poll men on ‘how’ involved they are in household chores. Try asking their female counterparts the same and there you will have the true picture of the household scenario, which will put the survey numbers to shame. Picture this: A working couple.

The woman makes breakfast (and serves it too), prepares their lunches, readies herself (and the spouse too) for office and rushes off. The office of course gives no regard to the fact that the lady has already had a tough beginning and she is expected to give as much, if not more, as her male colleagues. Come evening, she rushes home for she has the dinner to tend to (men don’t like waiting for their food) and then of course listen to her husband’s day at work. It’s now her turn to unburden her troubles, but by that time, the husband is fast asleep (he has had a tough day after all). Fast forward a few years and you have children too in the whole scenario. And God forbid if there are the in-laws to look after as well. The responsibilities just go on increasing. While most of the men would vehemently disagree with the above, the fact remains that most marriages work this way. The root cause, as I believe, lies in the upbringing of the Indian males. They are brought up in environments where the females pamper the male ego.

Where the females are ‘expected’ to do all the household chores; where the entry of males into the kitchen is probably once in a blue moon affair. How many mothers teach their sons how to cook? Because of course, if their son will need to be fed, they will simply marry him to a ‘nice homely’ girl. And what happens when the ‘nice homely’ girl decides to pursue her own career? What happens when the girl turns out to be better at her work than her spouse? What will happen if heaven forbid the girl begins to earn more than her spouse? Surveys of course would show that the men are quite comfortable with the idea, but the reality is quite different and uglier too. The humongous male ego, fed since their infant days starts to ruin their life. Husbands don’t ‘ask’ their wife’s if they are OK with the idea of shifting base due to his transfer – they expect it. It is taken for granted that a wife’s primary duty is towards her family. Don’t take me wrong. I am not averse to the idea, but it’s only revolting when it doesn’t have to be the other way too. Will a man as readily leave his job when his wife is given a transfer? I don’t think so. And neither is he expected to.

The good news? Slowly, very slowly the male mindset is accepting the fact that women today are walking shoulder to shoulder with males. We have our dreams too, we have our parents’ dreams to fulfill too. We too have been brought up like princesses in our parents’ home. Our career too is as important as yours is. We are as exhausted, probably even more, after a days work at office. And like you we too were too busy in our careers to learn to cook delicious gastromic delights. We too are not superhumans. What we do is not because we are ‘expected’ to do it, but because we love to do it for our family. And we don’t really mind being occasionally appreciated for it.

newsby: ibnlive